The Hidden Signs of Burnout: Understanding Misalignment in Your Career

Episode Transcript

Julianna:
Hello and welcome to the Daring to Succeed podcast. I’m joined today by Louise Kershaw, a talent management specialist turned career coach. Louise rose through the ranks of various FTSE 100 companies for the better part of a decade. And after experiencing burnout in her career, she retrained as an executive coach and launched her company, Clarity Coaching with Louise. Now she helps clients figure out why they’re not happy in their careers, what needs to change, and what would actually align them and meet their own personal definitions of success so they can find true career fulfillment. Welcome to the podcast, Lou.

Louise: Thanks so much, Julianna. Pleasure to be here.

Julianna: Yeah, I’m so excited to get into all the topics with you because I know you talk so much about people pleasing and perfectionism, which is so on topic for us high performers as millennials. So let’s dive right into it. As I said, your coaching practice focuses on millennials that are experiencing mid-career burnout. Can you share with us why you decided to link your coaching to your personal experience with burnout?

Louise: Yeah, I mean, for me, it just emerged as this vitally important topic that was perhaps only one aspect of it was understood very well. So, you know, I really enjoyed my career in HR until I didn’t. And I was from a household where the way you were seen and treated was very much contingent upon your grades. I launched myself into university, into my masters, getting onto a great grad scheme. These were all really important things. In the first decade of my HR career, I was just trying really hard to prove myself. I learned as much as I could, focused on doing really well. And I feel like I did do well, but it took a while for me to look around and think, hmm, is this actually what I want to be doing? And I started to feel a sense of disconnect from the work. It wasn’t about the companies I was working for or the people I was with, they were great, but it was just the sense of, you know, in these large corporates, a lot of the time work gets put in a drawer, delayed, cancelled, pushed down the line, there’s restructures, there’s other dependencies, we all know how that goes. And it was becoming increasingly frustrating to me. And I realized that my own personal driver, the thing that really matters to me, is connection. You know, having that one-on-one connection with people and meaningful impact. And that felt like it was getting lost, lost in the shuffle. I was spending most of my time behind PowerPoints and Excel, and actually there was a sense of misalignment for me. And it started to really manifest as burnout. I was feeling increasingly detached, even exhausted, but I wasn’t overworked. And I had in my head this image that, well, burnout is for teachers and nurses and investment bankers and people who are really like stretched thin, they work really, really hard. and I felt like I was, you know, working hard but I’m not working weekends, I’m not working evenings, so why am I feeling so burnt out? But I realized it wasn’t just from this one thing, it was from misalignment burnout and, you know, it really came to a head one day for me where my boss came towards me, it was this rainy sort of Wednesday afternoon and there was this like blue-gray-green filter on the windows just to make the office look as depressing as possible. And it’s just me and my boss. And he came towards me and told me that once again, the project I’ve been working on for about six months was going to be put in a drawer for, you know, whatever insert organizational reason here. And I remember my heart just sinking down into my socks. And I just said to myself, like, what are you doing? What are you doing this for? What is this? Like, what’s the impact you’re having here? I’m really struggling to see the fruits of my labor, so to speak. And, you know, I realized all of this in a kind of rush and I knew then that I was going to quit. And so, as I finally did quit and as I built my coaching business, I wanted to focus on people who’d gotten into similar situations, you know, mid-career, millennial, or even Gen Z burnt out women who have tried really hard their whole careers, they’re people pleasers, they’re perfectionists. And they’re looking around and they’re questioning, you know, what’s the point of all this? It doesn’t feel good. They’re not happy. And what else can they do? And so part of that was putting burnout at the heart of what I really focus on with my clients.

Julianna: Yeah. And in telling your story, you kind of mentioned about how you saw that burnout was for nurses and teachers and investment bankers, like people who, like in your own words, they were stretched too thin and just couldn’t handle the actual workload. So I find it really fascinating that you focus on more misalignment. And especially with a lot of leaders, they seem to find themselves in the situation where they’re burnt out after they’ve kind of hit that goal of that level of leadership that they want to attain. But they don’t realize it until it’s too late. And then they’re responsible for all these people and they’re totally burnt out. What for you are some of the biggest signs of either being burnt out or that you’re getting close to getting to a spot where you’re burnt out?

Louise: Yeah, it’s a really important question and I think first of all let’s define it the way that the WHO defines it, right, the World Health Organization. So technically the definition is it’s a syndrome conceptualized by resulting from chronic workplace stress that’s not been well managed. So it’s characterized by three dimensions. There’s feelings of energy depletion, feelings of cynicism about your job, and then reduced professional efficacy. So you start to, you know, stresses mount, you start to feel drained, you start to get checked out, emotionally exhausted, and your work starts to suffer, basically. So they explicitly say it’s a workplace stress-related phenomenon. I think it’s a bit naive though to not also accept and acknowledge that if you have high levels of stress in other parts of your job and other parts of your life, surely the burnout from work is going to be magnified or more quickly to get to. And we do find that if people have higher degrees of financial worries or they are a single parent or they have much more pressure on them than others, they’re far more likely to hit burnout in that way. There’s other signs as well. Those are the three that the WHO acknowledge, but there’s also irritability, low motivation, procrastination, sleep disturbance, can start to drink a bit more, difficulty concentrating, just feeling full of self-doubt. And so I think the warning signs is this sense of blah, this sense of like what I call the whatever phenomenon. Like you get given a new assignment and you’re just like, oh, whatever. I just don’t care. I just don’t care. You’ve kind of given it up a little bit. Your soul has slightly left the building. And so it’s just sense of, do I even care about this anymore? So I would pay attention to those increasing feelings of apathy. And when it’s in really full throttle, you’ll notice when you’re deep inside burnout, it’s this real sense of disassociation, this detachment. It’s like a deadening and a flattening of your emotions, of your affect. It’s not like anxiety where you’re heightened and it’s you’re super hypervigilant and your emotions are in this heightened state. It’s almost the opposite. It’s this flattening deadening effect. And you get home and you crash on the sofa and you’re half watching Netflix and you’re doom scrolling. and your family are getting the crumbs of you, that’s when it’s really taken hold. But I think when you start to see that increase of that whatever syndrome, that feeling of blah, of meh, I’d really pay attention to those instances and think about what percentage of your week are you actually feeling like that? Is that every day? Is it every now and again? Is it increasing over time? I think it’s important to pay attention to.

Julianna: Yeah, and just as you’re going through that, I think so many people are probably going through that right now and not even realizing that they’re burnt out. They’re maybe thinking it’s something else or that they just don’t care anymore. What are some of the most common reasons that people have gotten to this point? When you think back to some of the clients that you’ve been working with recently, what leads them to this point of value misalignment that burns them out?

Louise: Yeah, so I noticed different types of burnout, right? So I noticed a sense of burnout from misalignment with their values, for instance. And this is what’s happened to me and it’s what’s happened to a lot of, you know, high achieving people where they feel really grateful to get the job. They have a sense of a psychological contract about what that job will give them. they were certainly told in a capitalistic western society perhaps that a good job equals happiness. So they just kind of trundle along and they keep going and they sort of push away any feelings of dissatisfaction because, you know, hey here’s the job and this is what’s supposed to make you happy, like you’re successful on paper so shut up kind of thing. And so that’s easy to get into a snowball effect where it takes years for you to finally realize that actually this isn’t tolerable, that these feelings have been increasing over time, and you don’t feel connected to the work, or it just doesn’t suit you. This isn’t what you actually want to be doing. Maybe you fell into a line of work, and again, you were grateful to have it. Your parents are proud of you. You’re keeping up with your peers. You have a good job title. so it feels churlish to turn it away. I think part of it is just the pernicious hidden way that this can creep up on you. It takes a lot of self-awareness and self-reflection to actually think about what’s going on here. Where’s the disconnect? Maybe it’s something that you’re good at, but it drains your energy. Maybe it’s something that is fundamentally against your values. So you might ask yourself, am I feeling angry a lot of the time? Anger can come from when a value is violated. And it could be just a mismatch with your drivers, with what motivates you. And you feel like, yeah, I can do this thing, but I don’t actually care about the impact. Maybe I’m not motivated to achieve um, higher levels of profits, but already profitable companies. Maybe what I care about is, I don’t know, sustainability. And that’s the thing that drives me. Maybe I care about community, not about these organizational goals that this company has. And so I think it’s partly is reflecting on, on what’s happened there. In other times you can get to burn out from isolation. So that could cause loneliness. you can get to burn out from that typical overwork. A lot of things can feed into that. It can be, again, your own lack of boundaries, it can be your own people-pleasing tendencies, it can be perhaps a lack of emotional agility, and it can also be genuine just overwork where you’re under-resourced and overworked and maybe being taken advantage of and exploited. I think the final one is bore-out. People call it bore-out. I think it’s a branch of the burnout tree, where it’s burnout from boredom. This is where you’re just chronically under-stimulated, not challenged, not stretched at all. The side effect of that can be a sense of um self-confidence crisis where you can start to feel like well maybe this is all that I’m good for and that can creep up on you as well you know when you start to get really good at a job maybe you’ve been in that role for too long and so suddenly you look around and you realize that you can do this standing on your head there’s no sense of challenge here um you’re almost moving into an automatic response when you get to work and you’re just going through the motions and there’s really no sense of stimulation or challenge, and that can be a dangerous place to be. So people can find themselves in these different situations depending on what kind of burnout it is, also what kind of personality type you are, and just the circumstances of yourself and the organization that you’re in. So it is quite varied, I think.

Julianna: Yeah, I mean, just from everything you’ve said, it sounds like there’s just so many different ways people can have ended up with burnout, but the reality of where they are with living in the state of burnout is very similar. And I’m wondering for those of those who are listening right now, who are thinking maybe I am experiencing burnout, what are some of the things that they can do to get themselves back on the right track?

Louise: Yeah, it’s really important to think about what it is that you specifically need. So what wouldn’t have helped my misalignment burnout would have been alleviating some of my workload, like that wasn’t the problem. But if you’re in overwork, overload burnout, then yes, that will be helpful. So I think it’s about focusing on what you can control. If you’re in overwork burnout, What are some of the habits and behaviors that you’re contributing to this? Again, maybe you’re not having solid boundaries. Maybe there’s some people-pleasing going on that’s leading you to take on more and not be able to say no. But you might also be able to influence the workload itself. So speak to your boss, ask for what you need. Could be more resources. It could be shifting what other people on the team are working on so they can help you. It might be extending deadlines. It might be taking an entire project off your desk. But there’s options and choices. But if you’re not vocalizing what’s happening, maybe your manager doesn’t even see it. Maybe you’re in the habit of keeping the show on the road, being a high performer, being the good boy and girl and showing that you can do everything and being the kind of superhero and not actually showing it. And maybe your manager is the problem, in which case, perhaps you feel able to give them that feedback. Perhaps not. Perhaps it’s something that can be addressed with their manager. Or you might want to consider if this is the type of culture you want to stay in, if this is the kind of culture that you thrive in, when that kind of overwork is typical. And, you know, when it’s burnt out from isolation, that’s dangerous because it can lead to the sense of loneliness and it can become quite self-fulfilling. Like we feel like we’re not part of the team, we’re not accepted, we don’t belong. We say, well, fine. And then the impulse is to isolate ourselves further. So this is about being proactive, even though you really don’t feel like doing that and breaking down blockers to connection, like breaking down what the barrier to connection is. So it might be that you work remotely and others don’t, but perhaps you could agree with a colleague hey, you know what, we’re going to dial in at the same time and just do some co-working together. We’re not going to chat. We’re not going to speak. We’re just going to be on each other’s screens while we both work on our own projects. Or maybe you agree to a fortnightly lunch. Or you say, hey, everyone else on the team is involved in this project and I’m not. Maybe I could cast my eye over the PowerPoint that you’re making and just check your presentation. Maybe I can attend that meeting and take notes for you guys. try and insert yourself more into the dynamic and notice that, again, everyone’s wrapped up in their cells. They probably don’t see what’s happened, so we tend to prescribe kind of core intent on others as though they’ve done it on purpose. It’s most likely not intentional that this has happened, so making them aware that you’re feeling this way and allowing them the opportunity to bring you in to the fold a bit more And if it’s burnout from boredom, then I would really just remind yourself of your accomplishments, of your contributions, like keep a brag box, because that self confidence crisis can really be one of the, one of the core side effects from that. And again, asking for what you need in terms of stretch assignments, rotations, secondments, you know, acting up when your boss is away, you know, for them. So If that’s really not possible, if there’s no opportunities for those sorts of types of stretch, then consider what can you learn outside of work, okay, to feel that you’re still growing. But bore out is quite dangerous. So I would again challenge how long you want to stay in a job where you feel like there’s no future for you to learn or grow at all. And finally, the misalignment burnout, you know, identify where the disconnect sits. If it’s maybe something that isn’t giving you energy, you might ask yourself, what are the days of the week where I’m feeling like that the most? What’s happening on those days? It’s a very simple exercise. You can just write two columns, put the days of the week, days where I felt most energy and days where I felt most drained. And just make little notes after each day. Just take 30 seconds at the end of the day. Start to notice the trend. Oh, it’s on Tuesdays where I’m the most trained. Well, why is that? Well, that’s where I have my big client meeting and I have to travel for three hours and I have to do a big presentation. I hate public speaking. Start to really identify what are the tasks and activities you’re doing on those days where you feel most trained. How much does that have to be part of your job? Are you willing to tolerate that? Can you do some job crafting, some job tweaking to change that? Or is that something you’re willing to tolerate if you can also increase the things that do give you energy on a Monday, on a Thursday? So start to get curious about where the disconnect is coming from and how often it’s showing up and then you can identify what action you need to take, I’d say.

Julianna: Yeah, that’s so amazing. I think you’ve already given our listeners so much to start with. But if they want to hear more from you and find out more about the work you do with coaching and helping people get out of that terrible burnout stage, where can they find you? Where can people connect with you?

Louise: Yeah, so I am on LinkedIn, but actually the main place I hang out is on my Instagram. So you can find me there. I also have some great free resources on my website. That’s claritycoachingwithlouise.com. And I’ve recently released a guide on surviving career burnout. So you can find all that on my website as well.

Julianna: Yeah, I’ll be sure to make sure that all those links are in the show notes for everyone. Lovely. Any last thoughts you have for our listeners?

Louise: I guess a final thought would be there’s a really common experience that people come to me with when they’ve gone through this sort of thing and it’s a sense of shame. They feel that they’ve done something wrong, that they failed in some way, that they’ve let people down, they’ve let themselves down, that they’re too old at the ripe age of 29 or 39 or 49. to have still not figured out what they want in a career. So they feel this sense of getting life wrong somehow. And I would just want to say you haven’t done anything wrong if you’re experiencing this. It’s far more common than you think. And careers are just a series of experiences one after the next. If what you’ve been doing isn’t suiting you, it doesn’t mean it was a mistake. Now that’s important data that you can take on board and think about what it is that you do want to do next that will align to you and that will light you up. And there’s no failure on your part of getting to that point. You’re simply going through a reawakening and a bit of a reckoning about what you want now. So treat yourself with some compassion. That’s how you’re feeling.

Julianna: Oh, so amazing. Well, thank you so much for being here with us today, Lou. And to all you listeners out there, make sure you’re taking care of yourselves and we’ll see you next time.