Introversion in Life, Work and Motherhood with Shradha Doshi

Episode Transcript

Julianna:

Hello, and welcome to The Daring to Succeed podcast. I’m your host, Julianna Yau Yorgan, and I am delighted to be joined today by Shradha Doshi. Shradha is a product manager with over 16 years of experience in software and product development testing, and most recently product management. She is passionate about helping people on career breaks, on their career comeback journeys by mentoring them in finding role clarity, mock interviews, and so many other things. Welcome to the podcast.

Shradha Doshi:

Thank you, Julianna. I am really pleased to be here and talking with you today, especially on introversion, because that’s something that is very close to my heart. So I appreciate this opportunity.

Julianna:

Absolutely. And you’ll have to entertain me for my very first question for you. I ask this to all of my guests. Do you consider yourself more introverted, extroverted, or a bit of both?

Shradha Doshi:

If you would’ve asked this question to me a couple years ago, I wouldn’t have known what, and I probably would’ve said extroverted because that’s how I was taught I should have been. But working on myself over the last few years, when I look back, I have always been introverted all my life. The only things that’s changed now is that I cannot be extroverted for long amount of times versus when I was younger, I would be like, yeah. So people couldn’t figure out what the difference is. Am I introverted or extroverted? Versus now I go out and say that I need a break. I need, you know, I cannot do this for like two days in a row or something <laugh>. So yeah, I’m introverted with now less capacity as an extrovert.

Julianna:

And I love that you’ve kind of discovered that about yourself and go that extra step to ask for what you need, because so many introverts I talk to are still struggling with kind of asking for what they need, or they, they worry that it, it makes them seem a little bit odd or that their introversion is overshadowing the rest of them. So, I’m so glad to hear that.

Shradha Doshi:

Yeah. it was at a point where survival versus you know, complete burnout. So it was a necessity, but I wish, I would have learned that in a healthier manner.

Shradha Doshi:

I’m happy, nevertheless.

Julianna:

Yeah, we all find our way there.

Shradha Doshi:

Yeah.

Julianna:

So you’ve been sharing a lot about your experiences and challenges due to introversion in the workplace and in life. Can you tell us a little bit about why you decided to do this, to share your stories with everyone?

Shradha Doshi:

Absolutely.  I think, I have never seen introverted as a winning strength all my life. I’ve grown up as a shy kid who is always quiet. I had tendencies to blank out. I would be in the corner. So my family on the other hand is completely extroverted. And when I couldn’t see somebody like me, I thought there was something wrong and I should try and change those things about me. So up until like four years ago, like I mentioned early on, I tried as much as possible to be extroverted, but I never could get the hang of it . I was totally struggling even after, like three decades. I starkly remember three points in my introverted empowered stage. One is when I was sitting across my daughter’s fifth grade teacher, and my daughter’s an introvert, and I was telling her teacher that she’s introverted.

Shradha Doshi:

Can you please encourage her to speak up? You know, she doesn’t raise hands. And at that point she said, you know what, Ms. Doshi, she is an amazing leader. She doesn’t raise her hand. She doesn’t maybe participate as much as other kids, but she is very much a contributing student in my class. She problem solves in a very unique way. She has a amazing approach of bringing people together. So she might not stand up on the dice and, you know, motivate people, but she does that nevertheless in her own way. And I was sitting there and I was just like, dumbstruck. And I’m like, is that even possible? Like, be a leader? So from there on out, I was privileged enough to have my current manager who self-proclaimed introvert. And at one point I was in my one-on-one with her, and I said that, oh, we have a happy hour coming up.

Shradha Doshi:

I’m so excited. And, you know, I really, when, but inside I was like, oh my God, again, another happy hour. I don’t wanna talk to people. And she was so confident. She was like yeah, I mean, if you like going, you should, I’m an introverted soul, so I don’t go to these events and I’m happy to be stay home. And she said, it’s so calmly that I got a little agitated in my seat. Like, how can someone wear that as a badge of honor, as something that’s like business as usual? And from there on out, my journey towards asking other introverted leaders. So I started meeting every week. My goal was to meet with two people who are introverted, especially who are leaders. Yeah. And see what they thought. So I learned so much in the last four years about introversion and about myself.

Shradha Doshi:

I have since gotten two promotions. I have started mentoring people. I have started talking about introversion, and it’s just, I’ve been in a flow state since then. So when I think about my previous life where I would not be sure, always be timid, always think that I need to learn and grow, versus now I feel like I’m in the driver’s seat. I own wherever I am, and I can go forward and I want to have that for other people because that kind of freedom is something else. And I wish that everybody has that, especially if you’ve grown up like, like me, not like my manager who’s  probably had a great childhood, that their parents did not want them to be extroverted. So, yeah.

Julianna:

Yeah. That’s such a beautiful story that it was your daughter who kind of started your journey and it’s so amazing that you have the support from your manager to embrace your introversion and really feel comfortable with it. I think, I’m probably closer to your manager’s experience where I was always like, yeah, this is just me. If you don’t like it, that’s fine. I’m okay with it. Even now I’m visiting with family and most of them are extroverts, and it’s, it’s a lot, especially surrounded by a majority of people who are extroverted. And the nice thing is that they don’t expect me to be extroverted. But I don’t know if you have this experience with your family of extroverts, but sometimes the, the super extroverted ones will look at the introverted ones and be like, why are you on your phone? And we’re like, but we’re talking to each other on our phones.

Shradha Doshi:

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. All the time. I’m, it’s been, it’s been a good learning experience and empowering at the same time. Yeah.

Julianna:

Yeah. And I noticed that you are also on a panel discussion this month to talk about managing motherhood in the workplace. Do you find that things are a little bit different when you’re both a mother and an introvert in the workplace compared to, let’s say, if you’re not a mother or you’re not dealing with motherhood right now, or if you’re an extroverted mother, do you find there to be differences?

Shradha Doshi:

Yeah. I mean speaking for myself, I think generally motherhood and career is always a struggle to keep that balance because especially for women who were gr raised as ambitious they come to at a point where they have to choose where they dedicate their time and energy to because up until they have a child, it’s always, you are independent, you don’t have any responsibilities, nobody dependent on you who cannot take care of themselves. And as soon as you have kids, you have this additional responsibility. And in my case, I was never trained for becoming a mother. Like how, you know, what do the kids needs? I felt like when I had a baby, you know, in a couple years they would be like adults, they can take care of themselves and stuff, but you know, it’s, my daughters like 12.

Shradha Doshi:

There are still things that you would think that they wouldn’t need help with, but they do. And it’s been a, a very learning and humbling journey. So I’ve learned to become adept at prioritizing where, and what I focus my energy on, especially when I am at work, I am focused on challenging work because I know I am giving that time and taking away from my kids instead. So I am like very focused on what I’m working. Whenever I don’t have something important, I will log out. I’m not, you know, there from nine to five, for example, I’m there, I’m a hundred percent there, I’m working, and if not, I’m back home with my kids. And, you know, dedicating time over there. Now as an introvert it was an extra challenge for me because like I said, when I grew up, I grew up with like, something’s wrong with me and I would have hard time meeting new moms and understanding what you know, raising a child means and without the support system, it’s really hard to raise child. Like that’s why they say it takes a village to raise a child. As an introvert, it was hard for me to come into a group as you know, and ask them questions and what is your child doing differently? How should this is a challenge. And I have come since far from then, because now I have a close group of girlfriends who have kids similar age, some younger, some older, and I’m no longer scared of asking them like, okay, I’m struggling. Because the important thing was like perfectionism because that leads not asking questions. That didn’t let me anywhere. So I was like, you know what? This is not helping. I’m going to come out and say that I am struggling. I don’t know this motherhood, my daughter from toddlerhood to 5-year-old had different challenges.

Shradha Doshi:

And now pre-teen has different challenges and I’m very vocal about the challenges that I face, and I receive great advice and feedback. And as a result I’m able to more. And then when I am a strong and a confident mother when I go into work, I’m not this frazzled person that I used to be like, okay, I, you know, I don’t know what to do here. I don’t know what to do there because I did my job as a mom really well. And now I’m at work and I do this well, and the last point I wanna share is a lot of moms are extroverted and they have their own ways of raising. And I realized as an introverted, I build relationship with my daughters, where I sit down one-on-one and explain them why I am doing something, what I’m doing.

Shradha Doshi:

And I’ve seen that is so different as than what my child was. My child was great. So my mother who was an extrovert, who is an extrovert, would channel her extroverted approach. Most of the times it worked. And I think I’m glad to have that complimentary view, otherwise I would never have had that. But now, when I am an introverted mother, I share my experiences in my own way and understanding that why we are doing something. And it’s been just beautiful. If I did not have where I stood as far as my personality’s concerned, I would be confused and in turn my kids would be confused like what is happening in the house? So owning myself has not only led me to a leader at work, but even at home with my kids.

Julianna:

That’s so amazing. Such a beautiful story about your motherhood journey and what you got from your own mother who’s an extrovert as well. If there was one thing you’d want to share with our introverted listeners about being more comfortable with their own introversion, what would that be?

Shradha Doshi:

I think the only one thing I would share, because like you and I are a completely different introverts as well, right? Because how, how we grew up and how we were raised. So everybody’s different. So wherever and however you come from my advice would be to know yourself and be that or driver of your own life or of your own career irrespective of if you’re an introvert or an extrovert, because that will allow you to find your unique way of how you solve problems. What are your strengths instead of looking at others and how they are doing your how is always going to be different. So focus on what your strengths are and be connected to your why. Because for me, the only way I drive and progress forward is with the why, a very strong why that matters to me, not somebody else. So I have my why and my how, figured out the what can come, however it. So yeah, know yourself and have confidence in yourself and your strengths. You have anybody has that, just find that out.

Julianna:

Oh, so amazing. So if our listeners want to hear more from you and hear more about your stories where can they find you to find your writings about career wellbeing and introversion and even product management?

Shradha Doshi:

Yeah. I do write on LinkedIn a lot just to share my own experiences as an introvert in career on LinkedIn. So you can find me on LinkedIn as Shradha Doshi. And I do have an Instagram page where I share more of a motherhood side of things. And, and even just personal growth as an introvert, because I’ve seen profound, you know, growth since the last four years, just as a person, as a family. So I share that and it’s simply Shradha, I might have that on the link tree that I share with you, so maybe if you can add that to the notes.

Julianna:

Yeah. Absolutely. I’ll be sure to put those links in the show notes for everyone so they can find you.

Shradha Doshi:

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you.

Julianna:

Thank you so much. It was so much fun having you on the podcast. Yeah, thanks for having us interview.

Shradha Doshi:

I know this has been incredible and I wanna just say, Julianna, your podcast has been really great. It’s bite sized and I love listening to it. I recommend people to listen to it first thing so that it’s just five minutes be done and it puts you in the right headset if you are not already in there. So I love that about your podcast especially. So thank you.

Julianna:

Oh, thank you so much. That’s always so nice to hear. Yeah. Okay, well that’s it for this week, and we’ll see you soon. Bye.

Shradha Doshi:

Bye everyone. Thank you.